Relationships at the Work Place
by Dixie Chicken
Summary: Jay and Silent Bob form an unlikely friendship with Elias due to their shared faith in the Lord. With this new friendship formed, Jay and Bob decide to help Elias out with his love life...Elias/Randal and Jay/Bob. Warning; Slash and foul language.
1. Chapter 1

"So everyone's dead as a door nail, right? Blood fucking everywhere. That sneaky Barry mother fucker some how tricked me into cutting off his wings for him, and he's already to go into the church and destroy the fucking universe, right?"

"Then what?" Elias sat down on the curb in front of RST Video, enchanted by the life and times of his two newest friends; Jay and Silent Bob.

No one would have thought that a kid like Elias would ever tangle with the likes of Jay and Silent Bob; just on the grounds that they were Jay and Silent Bob and he was Elias Grover. But as odd as the two ends were, they did share something in common; faith. Elias appreciated their love for the Holy Trinity, since most people close his age were completely devoid of it. He also thought Jay's story on how they came to accept that faith was the coolest thing EVER! Megatron had nothing on the Metatron! He'd listen to a new chapter of it every morning before work with the same enthusiasm he had the morning before. Which Jay and Silent Bob appreciated since no one else believe it. Holden and Banky just chalked it up as a freaky trip of theirs. But the three new better.

And so a sort of friendship was cemented. For three weeks now.

"So then, who comes and bails our asses outta that pickle? God Her self, and that glorified translator with the British accent was with her too."

"Wait! You were...you were in the Lord's presence before?!"

"Yeah, we met God before! She looks a lot like that Alanis Morissette chick, don'tcha think, Silent Bob?"

Bob shook his head "no".

"Eh, fuck you too, tubby! Alls I know is that She was a fucking hottie! Hell, I'd pay my weight in coinage to see Her doing some of that hot lesbian shit!" Jay added, making a humping motion to emphasis his point, until Bob nudged him in the ribs, that is.

"But I thought homosexuality was a mark against God!" Elias piped up. Jay just sneered. Any opportunity to attack someone else's heterosexuality...

"Why do you care? You ain't no fag, are you?"

Silence.

Bob's eyes widened. If anyone could read into a silence, it would be him. You'd think Jay would be able to as well (what, with living with Silent Bob for the majority of his life), but no. He was completely oblivious to what the silence from Elias implied.

"Dude! Elias!" He snapped his fingers in front of the kids face a few times. "Dude- HEY!" Jay rubbed his head where Silent Bob had smacked it. "What the fuck, man!" Bob rolled his eyes and whispered something in Jay's ear. Elias promptly buried his face in his hands. He would have rather been able to curl up and die, but this would have to do. In the very least it hided his blush from the world.

"DUDE! Elias...Dude, your GAY?!" Elias nodded absently, still not looking up at either one of them.

Well fuck.

"Sorry." He muttered, like a child who had been forced to apologize, which was more or less the truth. That was quite the death glare Bob had aimed at him. "It's not like me or Bob hate fags...God don't either." Jay added, hoping it'd make the kid feel better. Which it did.

"Really?"

"Naw, that Jerry Falwell fucker was dead wrong about Her! Knew it when I first saw her. It's like my boy Chewbacca said once..." Jay paused, searching for a Star Wars quote that related to God's stance on homosexuality. And, not surprisingly, he found none. Elias and Bob were waiting to see how he'd finish that particular train of thought...or lack there of. "...Aw, fuck this! I'm no good at this shit! Lunchbox, take over. I'm done!"

As Jay stormed into the Quick Stop, Silent Bob stepped away from his place at the wall and placed a big, comforting hand on the kid's shoulder.

"What Jay is trying to say, but is failing miserably at, is that God doesn't hate anybody for being who he is." He stopped to take another drag of his ever dwindling cigarette. "In fact, God's the only being in existence that loves everyone and everything. That's not to say that child molester's don't have their reserved spot in Hell, but you have nothing to worry about. You're a good kid, and that's all it takes to be in God's good grace."

The Elias hugged him. He couldn't help it. The boy was just touchy-feely in nature and Bob's monologue truly touched him. Needless to say, Silent Bob was rather...uncomfortable. Not just because a gay kid was hugging him, but because said gay kid seemed to be bent on squeezing the life out of him.

...And Jay came back just in time to point and laugh at his expense. But that's apparently what it took to get the kid off of him, so Bob was inwardly thankful that Jay could be a colossal ass.

"Aw, don't stop lovin' your boyfriend just cus I'm here." Jay smirked, while taking a bite of a ho-ho. He rolled his eyes as Elias' nervously tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "Lighten up, Christ! I was just joshin' ya! Here, catch!" He tossed his two accomplices equally unhealthy snacks.

"Say, do you have a boyfriend?" Jay asked, sitting back down on the curb and pulling Elias down with him. "Cause if not, I know this guy named Hooper who would fit the bill-" Elias choked a little bit on a pringle.

After his coughing fit (and after Bob gave him a few hard pats on the back) Elias was able to sputter a "no!"

"Cool! You should totally hook up with this guy then. Total character, you'll love him. Plus, he's a black guy, and you know what they say about black guys...what, with being well endowed and all. You into that shit?" Elias shook his head.

"Thanks, Jay. But um, he may not be my boyfriend but I kinda like someone..." Bob rolled his eyes. He didn't need to look at Jay to know he was sporting a cheshire cat grin. Jay loved sticking his noes where it ought not be stuck in. Much like a hyper active child. He knew Elias would immediately regret letting this tid-bit of information leak out, because Jay would not rest until he knew everything.

"Really? Who is it! And don't you fucking dare pull that 'you wouldn't know him' shit because me and Bob know everybody in the county. Hell, chances are we've done business with this mother fucker!"

"...promise not to tell anyone?" Elias asked while popping another chip in his mouth.

"Cross my heart and hope to die." Elias some how found that reassuring. He nodded his head in the direction of RST Video.

That said it all.

Jay and Silent Bob watched the kid eat his pringles in shame with wide eyes and open jaws.

Well, as it turns out, Elias Grover could only take so much embarrassment and prying into his personal life before he had to call it a day. "Um...I gotta get to work. I'll see you guys later. Thanks for the pringles." And off he went. Leaving Jay and Bob to their thoughts.

"Dude, we should totally help get those two clerks together...don't gimme that look! He's our boy! And we's gotta help our boy out, even if his ass is gay. I mean, fags are people too...That's what the good book says, right?" Bob sighs and shakes his head yes. "Glad we're on the same fucking page!" Jay continues. "Now here's what we gotta do..."

To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Elias had a tendency to be rather clumsy. So it really wasn't a surprise to anyone when he rushed into the store and slammed right into Randal.  
"Why do you hang out with those Burn Boys?" Randal greeted Elias as he dusted himself off.

Elias looked sort of hurt; they were his friends after all.

"They're nice people, Randal. Much more than you know, so give them a chance. They're off drugs now, you know." Elias replied, proud of his new friends for their abstinence. Randal just scoffed.  
"Plus, they believe in the Lord, who helped them through their troubles-"

"Go-bot," Randal interrupted "Those guys are so full of shit and pot and you've got your sights set on the wrong type of friends. Lemme guess; Jay was telling you about the time they saved existence from two renegade angels that look like Ben Affleck and Matt Damon and fucked some chick named Bethany, right?" Elias cast his eyes to the floor. Score one for Randal Graves. "They came in here once, high as a fucking kite, trying to feed me the same bullshit. That's just what it is; bullshit. So get smart, don't believe everything a pot-head says, and stay away from them." Just then, Dante walked in. Just in time to see Elias storming off into the back room and slamming the door.

Dante sighed as the front door swung shut behind him. "What did you do now?"

Randal shrugged and returned to his place behind the counter. He began to fiddle with a price gun absently, then mumbled something more to himself than to Dante; "He shouldn't be hanging around those fuckers…"  
"Your awfully protective over him all of a sudden." Dante teased while leaning against the counter while Randal snapped out of his daze.

Randal glared at Dante "What's that suppose to mean?"

Dante smirks softly and replied with a "Nothing."  
"Alright jack ass, what did you come in here for anyway?" Randal quipped as he marked Dante's arm for 2.95. He always had to get the last word in. Clearly.

Dante rolled his eyes and peeled the sticker off.

"Did you order those 'Dick Nasty' videos? There's a high demand for them you know."

Thank God! A change of subject!

"God, how I wish I didn't! I'll never understand how Mr. Nasty got so popular. Watching a withered old man up to his knobby knees in fine young ladies is just depressing in my book."  
"I guess they don't watch it for Mr. Nasty..."  
"Now what are you implying?"  
"Nothing."  
"Fuck You."  
"Anyway, order those tapes, okay?"  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Randal muttered, and Dante was out the door.

As Dante made his way back into the Quick Stop, he ended up thinking of things he didn't want to think about, but thought of them regardless.

Dante was somewhat suspicious about what went on in RST Videos between Randal and Elias over the past few months.

And he questioned the one thing most people thought was evident about Randal Graves; his sexuality.

He'd always figured his best friend was a closet case, using the "pig tail pulling" approach to get Elias' attention back at Mooby's.

But now, Dante was noticing how much they spent time together… how they bicker like an old married couple more than ever before. What was going on in there? Were his accusations really true? He hoped not. He wasn't a homophobe or anything, but he wasn't sure how he would be able to handle that. Things would be different between the two of them. The three of them. But the suspicion was there, gnawing at his brain.

Meanwhile, back at RST, Randal moped while flipping through an old issue of Hustler, sitting on top of the counter, and not getting anything out of the pictures of alluring naked women before him. He couldn't get what Dante said out of his mind.

Why did he care so much about Elias? So what if he hanged around with a bunch of stoners?

Randal never really thought of Jay and Silent Bob as bad people before. He even kind of liked them. They were funny and had good taste in black metal. But it was starting to bug the ever loving shit out of him that Elias was always hanging out with them in the morning. Always laughing and flashing that goofy grin for them.

And not him.

Jealousy? Probably.

Dante was sort of right about Randal, to a degree. Sure, he loved Elias, for a reason beyond him. But was Randal Graves going to do anything about it?

Hell no!

One thing Randal learned from Dante was that falling for a co-worker only leads to heart brake...

Sighing Randal put away the Hustler he was loosing interest in and pulled out some gay porno and began looking through it. Only after making sure no one was looking, of coarse.

To Be Continued...


End file.
